Upskirt

DropJaw Photography, Fremont, CA, 20...11?

This is real. My ankles weren't happy with me after this.

Makes me think of the Wicked Witch of the East from The Wizard of Oz. Is that just me?

Naked

Corpse on Pumpkin, Portland, OR, 2011

I like this picture a lot. It's in my Top 5 photos of myself.

Jesus, does that sound narcissistic, or what?

But really--after a few thousand squillion photos, it's hard to find a true stand-out, where you see yourself being portrayed in a way you wouldn't have expected.

Jaret's good at that--a lot of the models he works with are pretty prolific, and you see them everywhere. But through simple portraiture, he shows them in a new light--somber, naked, vulnerable, destroyed, doubtful, or defiantly strong.

This was taken during a really, really strange and difficult time in my life. I don't know if that makes any difference, but perhaps it does. I feel like it shows. Maybe that's just me.

Anachronism

Tintype by SweatNapper, Oakland, CA, 2011

Everyone's become so obsessed with wet plate, it's kind of a bummer.

Don't get me wrong--there are some AMAZING wet plate photographers who have a great grasp of the medium whom I've been wanting to meet for some time [they know who they are, as I've been in contact with all of them].

But it's become so damn kitschy lately. My friend Samantha [model Sister Thyme] made this awesome Facebook post not too long ago: "Polaroid cameras: The instagram of the 70s. How to look like an artist with the most minimal effort involved. (Polaroid is not an art form. It's a tool.)"

I think the same thing applies to alternative process, at least to a degree--there are so many people who can barely render an image, let alone do so artistically, or they do so only by setting a very artificial environment [like putting their camera, and a softbox, in fixed positions in a light-proof room, and having every model come and sit down in a chair marked by tape, so he never has to fiddle with exposure, and so there's never any variability from image to image...at BEST, that's commercial portraiture]. And yet we're expected to give sanction to anyone who just happens to have invested in old methods? Sorry. No. It's awesome that you're experimenting--I'm a big, big advocate of dabbling--but the tools you use don't automatically give you holier-than-thou artistic street cred.

I've done a few wet plate shoots--all trade--and other than the time I worked with Eric, I came out of the shoots without a single image having been rendered [at all--just a blank plate].

That's fine--shit happens--but if you can't guarantee that even one image will render [of course you can't guarantee that it'll be usable--maybe the model moved or it was just a bad shoot--but there should at least BE a shot], unless you guys are good buddies and she's just hanging out, you should pay the model for her time. Otherwise what is the "trade" for?

I want to work with Eric again at some point. He does daguerreotype, too--which is so, so fucking fascinating to be a part of. I have a giddy reverence for daguerreotype, and would love to find more people who are competent with such a crazy-involved medium--so far, Eric's the only person I know of.

Bitches!

Art Silva, Santa Barbara, CA, 2012

Today, you should go do something that scares the shit out of you. Not tomorrow--today.

[/platitude]

But, really, you should! Go, go, go! And feel free to tell me about it, if you do.

Yeah, I'm talking to you! Get off the damn Internet!

Koo koo kachoo

YouAtHome Photo, San Jose, CA, 2010

Some nostalgia for you--this is from one of my first shoots ever.

It was a lot of fun, and I'm particularly fond of these because they mark the first time I'd done a shoot where the photographer allowed me significant creative control instead of micromanaging me to death.

I'd make suggestions for compositions and concepts and he'd roll with them, every time. Sometimes they didn't work out, but they often did--and I was more focused on having fun, anyway.

Even NOW, I'll work with photographers who claim they're seeking creative collaboration--and when I come up with a concept, they go, "...Nah. Let's just go back to you leaning on that tree." Boooring.

The only unfortunate thing is that I decided to montage the photos in this ugly way [with permission]. I thought it'd be a good idea. Now I don't have the originals. Oh well.

Otanjoubi omedetou

Gary Breckheimer, New York, NY, 2011

Happy birthday to me!

That's right. The big two-two--according to many, the year we stop giving a shit about our birthday. Really, I stopped giving a shit about my birthday years ago...but this one's a bit exciting.

Over the last couple years, a certain boy kept telling me that twenty-two is the year we REALLY begin to grow up. That a few deeper things start shifting around at twenty-two into a product more solid, more self-sufficient, more set in semi-permanent identities, which makes it all the more important. If you've read Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, I guess it'd be the year our daemons choose a permanent form, or something.

He told me all that, and I said, "You're full of shit, you pretentious toiletface."

But still, I thought it was a neat idea--something to look forward to.

And now I'm twenty-two, so I'll be able to see if his theory applies to me.

Granted, I don't think the clay's going to be drying yet. Not at twenty-two, and not any time soon.

Midnight to noon, I'm a desert child

Brainchild of the fascinating Erin Wilson--both the photographer and second model. Alameda, CA, probably 2010.

Guess who's going to Burning Man this year!

I've never gone [I've never been able to afford it--or at least, never been able to justify the expense, especially when you factor in all the necessary preparation].

About a month ago, I was sitting in a bar talking excitedly to a girl behind the counter about metal work, including MIG welding [which I'd just tried for the first time earlier that day], and a guy who turned out to be a professional welder jumped into the conversation. Half an hour later, I was being introduced to his boss. Two weeks later, I was offered a job at Burning Man--assisting in set-up and tear-down before and after the event, rescuing stranded tourists and fixing basic mechanical problems with their cars, and maintaining golf carts for a couple hours a day during the event itself.

I'll be there for a little over three weeks at most. Transportation, admission, food, and amenities are all covered--all I need to bring is a dust mask and goggles, and whatever ludicrous crap I feel inclined to lug around.

Gam zeh ya'avor

Ted Williams, Mt. Diablo State Park, CA, 2012

Just got back from an amazing week at Yosemite...but that's another story.
Off to Burning Man tomorrow.

This is an infrared photo from a recent shoot--it was 105 degrees outside. Ted got nine ticks but I got zero [despite being the naked one]! Whoohoo!

Anyway, I have a riddle for you:

What's one sentence that will make any sad man happier, and any happy man sadder?
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"This too shall pass."
 
This has recently become a mantra of mine in times of both happiness and sadness--in times of euphoria, frustration, peace, boredom.

Keeps me moving and keeps things in perspective--lends me resilience when things suck, and cultivates my gratitude when things are amazing.

I've got that summertime sadness

L Raye, South Bay Area, CA, 2012

Isn't it gaaahgeous? I love the composition and contrast. All credit due to Larry on this one...all I'm doing here is leaning on a tree and flashing my tits [and pits!], after all. 8P

Anyway, this shoot was pretty recent. Very laid back and a lot of fun--at one point I was walking through a giant field of gloop. Really, it was gloop--squidgy bottom-of-the-pond sort of sucky-squelchy, goose-poop-infused mud. I kept sinking in it and getting semi-stuck. I don't know about you, but I found it a lot of fucking fun [really, I did!] but I'm into shit like that.

I realize that my recent posts have either had nothing to do with modeling...or they've been a bit on the negative, chastising side. I don't think they've been unconstructive, formless bitching--but certainly negative. Rest assured that a good, fat portion of my experience as a model has been richly rewarding and fun--and at some point I'll get around to writing more about the good stuff, and giving more acknowledgment to the really amazing people I've met.

Admittedly, I've been more socially reclusive than usual this summer. Lots of nitty-gritty internal-existential work to be done [what else is new?]...but I've still been living at least as fully as ever.
As a stark departure from the sort of music I generally seek out, I've been listening to a lot of Lana del Rey lately. Her "image" is obnoxious and I usually don't care for poppy-trendy-sadcorey music like hers...but for some reason her stuff strikes me and earworms its way into my head for days, and I'm more-or-less okay with that. Perhaps it's because her voice is kind of similar to mine [in terms of range and tone quality]--except of course that I'd say hers is better, in a league I aspire to yank my own voice into with time. Mreh.

Still not modeling a whole lot--pretty much only working with long-time correspondents and collaborators--but I've been modeling some. The photo above proves it, and there are more to come. 8]
This would be a good time for me to throw in a little notey-note: If you've been wanting to shoot with me, please just get in touch! I'm almost always on semi-hiatus...meaning I'm rarely modeling full-time these days as it's become increasingly tougher to choke down a living through modeling alone--much less to do so while not spending every hour of every day hunched over a computer--but I'm ALSO rarely on a complete no-modeling-at-all hiatus, so there's always room to squeeze in shoots here and there with enthusiastic artists and good people.

Ground rules [part II]

Photographer and fellow model CarlyErin O'Neil from when I last visited her and Ted Wulfers in Los Angeles, 2012

Continuation of last entry's rant. 8]

3. Keep in mind that traveling models often operate on a tight schedule.
In my experience, most models while traveling consider a "three-hour booking" to mean "the clock starts when I walk in the door, and ends when I leave" unless otherwise specified in advance. There's pressure, when traveling, to book as productively as possible--we're far from any secure home base and we may only be in your city for a couple days, having paid airfare or spent a lot of time and money on driving.
I've had photographers leave me in their homes or studios so that they could go run errands, or who have taken phone calls that weren't urgent...and then return, assuming that I'm going to stay later to make up for the loss of shooting time. Unless we're on an extremely flexible schedule [like I'm crashing at your place and have nowhere to be for the day, and a way to entertain myself], I'm not. In many cases, I CAN'T, whether or not I want to, because I have another appointment after yours.

"Three-hour booking" doesn't mean "three hours in front of the camera"--unless I show up and you instantly whip out your camera. You're paying for my time--how that time is SPENT is your choice. I show up to a shoot, ready to be productive for the entirety of the shoot--I don't get on the Internet or take phone calls.
If you MIGHT need more time, say so: "Hey, I know we said three hours, but I might need a bit longer--can I pay you for a three-and-a-half hour booking instead of four hours?"
If there's a very long commute/hike involved or a lot of preparation, that's PART of the shoot time you're booking me for. I may be happy to negotiate my rate to something lower if a large part of the day will consist of being in a car or going on a nice hike or sitting around getting dolled up--but I DO need to know in advance how long the ENTIRE shoot will take [especially for things like make-up--so that I don't wind up having another shoot scheduled for later that day with a photographer who wants me to show up with a clean face]. Or maybe you think it'd be nice to get a meal together before/after the shoot--that's totally fine, and of course I won't charge you rates to take me out to lunch, but I STILL need to know about it, in order to see if my schedule can account for it.


4. Let the model know in advance about tag-alongs

Fairly innocent mistake--and personally I am almost never bothered by this, because usually the people who come along to a shoot are really awesome, whether models, photographers, assistants, spouses, designers, etc.

However, some models are not comfortable with being surprised by extra company. Think about it: she's a girl, traveling alone, possibly without her own transportation, meeting you for the first time, and you drive her to some location and there are a bunch of your people there and she's alone and now she has to be nude and model effectively while they all watch.
And I WILL say that I have had a couple of incidents where a photographer brought a friend whom I really, really, really wished was not there. Bringing another photographer is fine with most models, but some models have different conditions or different rates for shared shoots--and some models just plain don't like it, period, so clear it with her first. Same goes with bringing another model--I love meeting other models. I DON'T love showing up to a shoot where some model is there, and it's assumed that I'll be down to do erotic work with him/her, even though nobody asked me. Don't assume anything!

And please use good judgment--if you have some buddy who gets overly excited about the idea of you photographing naked women, do NOT help a brother out by suggesting to him that he tag along to your next shoot so he can witness some T&A in person. Especially if he manages to scare off all the ladies when you two go bar-hopping together. He may think you're awesome for it, but the model probably won't.

5. Don't touch the model without her permission.
I feel like this one should be obvious, but sometimes even the most well-intentioned photographers breach this without thinking about it.

Some models are fine with you adjusting them, and perhaps even welcome it. Others absolutely do not want to be touched, which is not too hard to fathom: you're alone together, likely in a place familiar to you but foreign to her, she's nude, and she's trusting you, so take extra caution to respect her boundaries.

It's really, really important to ASK [not TELL--none of this, "Hey, I'm going to just brush some dirt off your butt, okay?" and then doing-it-before-she-has-a-chance-to-answer bullshit]. And don't just ask her once if you can move her foot and assume that her saying "yes" is a green light for you to later adjust her however/whenever you'd like. Ask each time.

Try to avoid making adjustments, anyway--if you start offering to brush her hair off her chest when she can just as easily do it herself, or to bend her leg when she can just as easily do it herself, it generally comes off as you trying to come up with excuses to touch her, whether or not you mean it that way. If she's in a compromised position [like she's in the PERFECT position except for one tiny thing that she can't easily adjust on her own, or she's tied up or something], then of course it's reasonable to politely ask if you can make the adjustment.

But here's another way to think about it--part of working well with models is in YOU learning how to give good verbal directions to them. Giving direction is not something that comes naturally to everyone. How can you cultivate that skill when you're just reaching out and yoinking things into place, instead of communicating?

I'm hoping these all sound like commonsense ways to handle working with someone for the first time--it's basically all like that. If you are honest, open, and considerate--and respectful of a model's right to say "No" to anything she's not comfortable with--then there should be no problems [at least not on your end--I can't speak for all models, but the ones I've met generally tend to be pretty cool ladies].

Ground rules

Christopher Lee Donovan [who's fucking awesome], New Hampshire, 2011

Sometimes at shoots, photographers [usually newer photographers] have asked me nervously what it is that they should avoid doing so as not to alienate/offend their models.

The answer to that is easy--common courtesy--but also a bit complicated, since standards and opinions are wildly different from model to model--but in general, I don't think it's something photographers should have anxiety about. At least, not any more anxiety than anyone else would have about treating any professional relation well. Models are included in "anyone else", of course--models shouldn't get to be jerks, either.

As long as you try to be courteous and communicative [communicative is a big, big, big one--don't spring surprises up on the model when she GETS there: "Oh, by the way, I was hoping to do erotic work," or "Oh, by the way, you should have worn long pants, we're going to a tick-infested location," or "Oh, by the way, I hired a body painter--what do you mean you have another shoot right after this one?" Tell her all of that shit BEFORE the shoot].

I think it's important for models to be able to stand up for themselves given the inherent risks [and bullshit] of the profession--but I also think it's important for models not to offend too easily. But some are more sensitive to certain things than others, of course.

But there are some subtler things that simply haven't occurred to some photographers, so for the benefit of both photographers and models [at least I HOPE this list might benefit someone], I'm going to list a few things that are good precautions to take if you don't know what will/won't offend a certain model [obviously if you know her better and KNOW what she does/doesn't mind, then following some of these guidelines may not be necessary, but they're a safe starting point for a first-time shoot]:

0. If you want to explore an edgy concept, let a model know BEFORE you schedule a shoot--first thing--and accept "No" if it's her answer.
Here's the catch: this applies EVEN IF you've seen a few erotic photos of her before--or even many. If she doesn't explicitly market herself as specializing in "erotic nudes" or "adult work", then don't assume she'll be down to do anything, anytime. Maybe she's got a new boyfriend, or trying to redefine her image as a model, or discovering religion, or whatever.
Generally, it's a good idea to suggest edgier concepts with models who have ALREADY met and worked with you at least once--they've already got a gauge of who you are and how they feel about you, and are more likely to accept.

1. If you're having her wear something, please, please make sure it's clean.
I was recently asked to put on some lingerie by a photographer, and when I took a look at it there were some...ahem...leftovers on the panties. Not something I particularly wanted to slide into. And the photographer reacted to me pointing it out to him by BLAMING THE LAST MODEL who had worn it and being all grossed out. Don't do that, either--it's not HER fault--just fucking wash it! Jesus! The end. Would YOU want to wear some other guy's skid-marked underwear?
I'm not a huge stickler for hygeine--other than lingerie/panties, as long as a garment doesn't completely reek, I don't care whether it's been washed--but I know some models only like clean wardrobe/bedsheets/etc., and will only wear tights that have just come out of a package.
Same goes for make-up, by the way--if it's been all over one model's face, you're probably best off just giving it to her. Make-up can accrue some nasty bacterial shit. Some models care, some models don't--but it's just respectful and plain NICE to not push the model into an uncomfortable position if she DOES happen to be one who cares. Just ask her to bring her own makeup, or get some cheap shit or a make-up artist. Or go makeup-free [I'm not wearing makeup in about 80% of my photos, and no one seems to mind]. The alternatives are endless.

2. When it comes to flattery, be tactful.
Many models like it when they're told they're pretty and so on [some don't, but whatever]. I am never offended when someone makes a nice offhand remark about my appearance and says I have nice hair or a good figure or whatever. That's all fine and dandy.
But please do not ANALYZE a model's anatomy out loud during a shoot--you wouldn't do that to the barista at your local coffee shop, so don't do it to a model you've just met, either. Just because she's agreed to pose nude doesn't mean she'll be any less uncomfortable/annoyed/whatever if you decide to rip off your filter. Please do not start comparing a model's boobs, out loud, to the boobs of other naked models/women you've seen. It's creepy, it's rude, and--trust me--no one cares.
I've been told, "You've got the best boobs of anyone I've shot!" and I've been told, "You know, you've got an INTERESTING look, but I don't think you'll attract much of a market as a model," and everything in between. And in neither case were the comments at all necessary.
Criticizing other models doesn't make it any better: "Your abs are hot! You wouldn't believe all these models who come in and they look thin in their photos, but they've got these fucking tummies on them..." I cannot stress how little I care about the presence or absence belly fat of other models--and it makes you sound like an asshole, frankly.

To be continued in my next entry [Monday]...as an auto-updated entry, because I'm going to be backpacking in Yosemite and will be civilization-free for a glorious eight days! Booooo-yah!

I'll even be modeling a bit while I'm there. Hah. 8B

Taking Stock

Toy camera photo by Jeff Greer, Virginia, 2011

All month, I've been ruminating on what I want to do next. It's a good time for that. All of July--and even much of June--has been one big fat commercial break in my life. A time when I haven't put myself out there much--socially, as a model, and otherwise--and have been trying to feel out what I truly want without forcing it [trying to force insight isn't all that effective, I've found].

What I want as a model is becoming clearer, and at some point I'll likely write a post about that instead of just alluding to it. I don't want to IDENTIFY myself as "a model" or be seen by others as "a model", but incorporating "modeling" into my life as one of the many things I do is something I would like to continue.

Here's the agenda as far as I know right now:

August 4th-11th: Backpacking [and modeling] in Yosemite National Park
[Then a short intermediate period during which I'll be attending to personal things.]
August 15th-September 8th: Black Rock City, NV [more commonly known as BURNING MAN!]

September 9th-26th: THIS is the big Wild Card period. I might stick around California for Thai massage training. Or I might find a way to get my ass out on a modeling trip! Time [and interest, and funds] will tell.

September 26th-TBD: Presumably modeling in South America [likely Peru]...?
Sometime in October: Modeling in and around SLO

I wanted to get to the East coast/Midwest. Arr, I still do. At this point, that looks a bit unlikely--but I haven't given up on it entirely yet! If I have a couple weeks freed up and book enough work, I'll find my way!

And if I don't end up making it over there this year, it WILL be an extended destination in 2013, even if it means moving there and/or getting a seasonal job there. Pinky swear! There are so many Midwesterners and East Coasters with whom I want to work. I don't know what it is about the east coast modeling scene, but working there rekindles my love of modeling every time, no matter how jaded I'm feeling. Something about the modeling scene in that part of the country...it's just different. Less bullshit, less antagonism, less hustling. More focus on creating beautiful things and having a good time without the bureaucratic nonsense.

There are wonderful people elsewhere in the country, too--you know who you are--but they're harder to find and it seems more filtering has to be done--when I go back east, being a model feels like the best job in the world.

Mariposa has excellent ostrich burgers

Enough said, really.

Still no updates that are relevant to modeling. The other night I got to look through a $20,000 telescope at Saturn, a set of double-double stars, the Ring Nebula, the Whirlpool Galaxy.

Also, my back currently looks like the skin's been ripped off due to multiple Gua Sha treatments [the marks will be gone within a day or two]. I have to admit...I feel fucking phenomenal. I'm going to try to squeeze in one more before my class ends that should fade before I head off to Yosemite for some modeling in the backcountry!

Full moon tomorrow night. Ever since living in Kings for six months--constantly in touch with, and at the mercy of, the outside elements--I've had a decided fondness for full moons, and for their decided ability to make people get a little wonky.

Ted Williams, Bay Area, CA 201...0?

These two photos are infrared, in case you were wondering why they look a bit funky. Ted's really cool--he's the person who inspired me to look into going on an artist retreat. By 2013 I want to just up and do it. We just shot again quite recently, actually [for the third or fourth time] so those shots will be up soon!

Ted Williams, Bay Area, CA 201...0?